As a High-Achieving Woman you are probably dissatisfied with the amount recognition and reward you receive for your considerable achievements. You work harder than most people, and are usually more successful in getting the job done. You may receive a pat on the back, but come bonus time, you’re left peering into an empty envelope. You eventually get tired of complaining to your manager about it, and frequently leave the position or the company rather than fight it. Let’s see how our High-Achieving Woman, Elizabeth handles this:

Elizabeth was stymied. She had just wrapped up an important project, pulled off a near-miraculous result, and she felt let down. Her boss acknowledged her for getting the project in on time and under budget, and proceeded to give her the next assignment. She wasn’t expecting a brass band, but she felt that she deserved more than “Good job, now get back to work.” She’d been hoping that at least she’d hear a good word from upper management, but they seemed oblivious to her accomplishment.

Like most High-Achieving Women, Elizabeth seldom promotes herself to anyone above her manager. She feels that management ought to recognize when a job is done well, especially when the nearly impossible is done. It wasn’t like she wanted a trophy, she simply wanted to feel that her effort was appreciated. It would be even better if she felt warm fuzzies that her success would result in a nice bonus, but she doubted that would happen. She remembered her last job, and how that manager only recognized her mistakes, which caused her to work even harder so she wouldn’t make any.

She tried to mollify herself: “Well, no one around here gets any recognition, why should I be any different?” But it still rankled.

As she left her manager’s office, she almost bumped into Frances, a VP in another department that she had met once. Frances, seeing the expression on her face, said “Anything wrong?” Elizabeth mumbled that she was fine, but Frances could see that Elizabeth was very upset. “Come on,” she said, “Let’s get a cup of coffee.” Elizabeth didn’t want to be rude, so dutifully followed Frances to the break room.

When they were settled with their coffee, Frances asked again what was wrong. Elizabeth finally blurted out, “What does it take to get recognized around here? I work my tail off, and all I get is a new assignment! I probably won’t even get a bonus for successfully implementing that impossible project!” Frances took a sip of coffee, and let Elizabeth rant on. Then, when there was a moment of silence, she asked, “So, how did you celebrate your accomplishment?” This question shocked Elizabeth into silence. Celebrate? She didn’t have time to celebrate. Frances sighed, and said “I thought so. Let me tell you a story…”

“I was much like you when I started here several years ago. I was full of myself, confident I could do anything, and ready to take on the world. I found myself in the same situation you find yourself in right now. I was so let down that no one seemed to realize my capabilities and the extent of my accomplishments that I thought about leaving the company. Then I realized that most of my issue was my own fault.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened at this, and she started to say something, but Frances held up her hand.

“Hear me out! I never once acknowledged myself for any of my accomplishments. I always expected everyone else to do that for me. When I finished one impossible project, I merely looked for the next one. Not only did I not celebrate, but I didn’t recognize those who helped me achieve the spectacular results: my staff, my peers or even my manager. So, why should I have expected anyone to acknowledge me? ”

Elizabeth was taken aback by this, recognizing herself in this story. Frances went on. “After a lot of trial and error, I finally came up with a way to get the recognition I wanted. At the heart of what I called my Paradigm of Reward was the idea that if I wanted to be rewarded for my hard work, I needed to be doing the right work.” Elizabeth made a face at this.

“I know what you’re thinking, “ said Frances, “But hear me out. Before, I just blindly accepted whatever job my manager gave me. And I accepted everything, hoping to make a name for myself. In my new paradigm, I decided to only do the work that actually made a difference to my manager’s manager. In this way, I was actually making progress on company goals, and it had the added benefit of making my manager look good!”

They talked for nearly an hour, and by the end of their impromptu meeting, Elizabeth had a plan for building her own Paradigm of Reward. She and Frances had worked out the details of how Elizabeth really wanted to be recognized and what would satisfy her, including monetary rewards. Frances also helped her to realize that bringing her accomplishments to light was not bragging nor obnoxious; in fact, it was necessary not only for her benefit, but for the benefit of all those who worked on the project.

The next day, Elizabeth met with her manager to discuss her new Paradigm of Reward. She wanted to be clear about what she would deliver, and what she expected in return. Her manager, who was surprised that Elizabeth was unhappy with what she perceived was a lack of recognition, was eager to work out a way to keep her happy. He really valued Elizabeth, and was relieved to discover what she needed to continue her great work. Elizabeth knew that the departmental promotions were on hold, and it was likely that raises would be sparse across the board. However, she did want to be sure that if she was doing stellar work that she would be rated among the top of her peers, and get a comparable bonus.

“I’m going to work hard to make you look good,” she told her manager, “and I feel I should be rewarded for it!” Her manager assured her that he would do all in his power to get her the recognition and rewards she deserved. At the end of the meeting, Elizabeth asked him, “I would like to create some positive visibility in the company; would you support me in that effort?” She shared with him her ideas, and how those efforts would support him as well. Her manager thought about that a minute, and agreed, suggesting a course of action to work with the upper management: “Find out what really motivates them, then figure a way to help them.” Elizabeth thanked him and ended the meeting, returning to her desk to document the conversation.

Elizabeth’s manager was very clear about what it would take to make an impression on James, the VP that he reported to. Elizabeth wanted to understand what made James tick, so she set up a meeting with him, with a topic of “Let’s talk about your goals and challenges”. James was intrigued, and pleasantly surprised in the meeting that Elizabeth seemed genuinely interested in learning about what was important to him.

By the end of the meeting, Elizabeth had proposed a way she could address one of his challenges, and asked permission to pursue it. She also asked if they could meet at least once a month to continue the conversation. James left the meeting realizing he really didn’t know Elizabeth but was interested in tracking her progress. Elizabeth was thrilled with the results. She finally felt like she understood what motivated James, and could now understand why there were so few promotions. She was also excited that there was a way she could help with one of his challenges, and thought that she was finally on her way to making a name for herself in the department.

For the final piece of her paradigm shift, Elizabeth turned to her peers. She had good results from networking with them on the communications issue, but that was as far as she had gone with the relationships. Now she wanted to take it a step further, to turn them into advocates. She started asking them for advice, and offered her assistance when she saw they needed help. She made a point to praise their accomplishments. “After all, if I get in the habit of acknowledging other’s accomplishments, maybe I’ll get the same in return.” She increased her network to extend beyond her department. Soon, she became known as the go-to person; not just someone who gets the job done, but someone who enables other people’s successes.

A few weeks later, Elizabeth was surprised when people congratulated her on her project. She started to say her usual “It was nothing…” when she remembered Frances’ words, so instead replied with a hearty “Thank you!” She decided to set up a party at her house to celebrate the project, and invited her staff, her manager and anyone who had a hand in its success. She was amazed at how good she felt in sharing the kudos all around, and she found her entire staff had renewed energy and enthusiasm the next day, facing their new project.

Elizabeth realized that she felt more a part of the department than she had felt before. She felt good about the work she did, and for the first time in years actually felt valued. She was still working long hours, but not any longer than before; she’d asked for help from her peers and managers, and was surprised and delighted that she didn’t actually have to do it all herself. She didn’t even feel bad about asking. At that point she’d done enough for others that they were glad to return the favor. It amazed her that by changing her perspective on recognition, she changed both her working relationships and her work load.

Next, Elizabeth decided, she was going to work on her constant need to be challenged!